“When you go and introduce change and new ways of functioning you are going to raise the anxiety of everybody”
“There is no such thing is acting out children and mature parents.”
“A self is more attractive than a non-self.”
“Anxiety and seriousness are Siamese twins.”
“It’s better to be outrageous than outraged.”
“People can’t hear you unless they are moving toward you… And they can’t hear you if they are too distant or too close… And they can’t hear you if they are too anxious.”
“It is the dependent in every system who are in charge.”
“Only the person at the top has the capacity to see the whole thing.”
“Stop worrying about whether the problem is in the choir, the religious school, the Board of Trustees, the council, or whatever part of the institution you see it is. You got to do the same thing that matter where the problem is.”
“One of the critical factors in leadership is having that emotional stamina to hang in there.”
“You can’t differentiate yourself and not get sabotage as fall out… No good deed goes unpunished.”
“The major cost in trying to do differentiated leadership is loneliness.”
“To the extent the leader of a family or an institution can differentiate self – by which I mean not being determined by the emotional processes in the field – they can then begin to modify the field… That is the basic idea behind all leadership and other concepts that I present… What it does is shift the focus to managing yourself instead of the group.”
“If you can lower the anxiety one notch, it’s a better world.” (Bowen)
“What I have been saying to clergy constantly is the only criterion you can use is are you really loving what you were doing?”
“A sailor without a destination can’t tell a good wind from an ill wind.” (Seneca)
“The dependent, unmotivated, only have power when you are dependent on their functioning.”
